Posts Tagged ‘ Q&A ’

Past Perfect Tense: Dear Sexy G,

Dear Sexy Grammarian,
I have a grammar question!! Would you say: I thought we finally realized or I thought we had finally realized? Does it matter?

Thank you for your continued dedication to grammar and sexiness,
Christine

Hi Christine! Thanks for writing. You’re talking about the difference between past perfect and past tense here. Depending on your meaning, either of your examples might be okay. You’re telling a story in this sentence that definitely happened in the past: I thought.

Now, whether to make the other verb in your sentence past tense (finally realized) or past perfect (had finally realized) depends on when you thought that final realization took place.

Past perfect describes a past that took place before the past tense. So, did you think you had finally realized at some time before you thought about finally realizing? Probably. In that case, you should write, I thought we had finally realized. But on the off chance that you thought you were realizing something at the same time you were thinking it, you might write, I thought we finally realized.

Yours,

The Sexy Grammarian

Frequently, a client or online fan shares a burning grammar question, and I always post answers here on the blog.  If you have a question, don’t hesitate to write to me. Looking for more attention? Get affordable, project-focused private sessions in person or via Skype or email.

2012
07/11
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Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera: Dear Sexy G,

Dear Sexy Grammarian,

Since etc. closes a lot of sentences, it feels insufficient to just use one period, but using two, one for the abbreviation and one for the sentence, is awkward. What should I do?

Thanks,

Pablo

Dearest Pablo-
Just end the sentence with one period doing both jobs (terminating the sentence and the abbreviation). But I am curious about your choice to close a lot of sentences with the word etcetera in the first place. I think of etcetera as an overused and often poorly used word.

Etcetera can mean “and others” or “and so on.” So it’s useful when you have established the beginning of a list and don’t want to list everything. But we often use it out of laziness. Why don’t you want to give us the whole list? Is it really so long?

I believe in being as specific as possible in writing. When you reach for the abbreviation, etc., ask yourself, “What am I replacing here?” Sometimes you may be able to add just one more item to your list and avoid the abbreviation all together.

Another solution is to save etc. for bullet lists and use “and so forth” or “and so on” when you want to convey the same idea in running prose.

Yours,

The Sexy Grammarian

Frequently, a client or online fan shares a burning grammar question, and I always post answers here on the blog.  If you have a question, don’t hesitate to write to me. Looking for more attention? Get affordable, project-focused private sessions in person or via Skype or email.

2012
03/19
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Air Quotes: Dear Sexy G

Dear Sexy Grammarian,

I would like to know about quote marks.  Do you have a post about that already?  In particular, I use quotes like air-quotes, you know, to acknowledge that a word is being used out of context or in a circumspect way (like either I intentionally used it incorrectly or I don’t believe the word I’m using so I’m adding some sort of sarcasm).  I guess that’s it!  I use those air-quotes to indicate sarcasm in my writing, just like I would when I speak.

Anyway, punctuation on those is also difficult, especially if they end a sentence or a clause.  The sarcasm really doesn’t extend to the punctuation for me, so I treat those air-quotes differently than I treat actual quotation marks, meaning that I usually put the punctuation on the outside of them (instead of inside, where they belong).  My question: do air quotes deserve the same authority as proper quotation marks?

Sincerely,

Norman

To my beloved Norman,

When we use air quotes in speech or ironic quotation marks in writing we convey sarcasm or irony, just as you explain so well. But as punctuation marks, these ironic quotes carry no less weight than any other use of a quotation mark. So use the same rules of punctuation, whether your quotation marks convey dialogue or irony.

That is, put the comma or period inside quotation marks, though, as E.B. White lovingly wrote on the subject, “logically it often seems not to belong there.”

What she called “erotica” I called porn.

Let’s not have sex. Let’s just be “friends.”

When I told her to “bring the sexy,” I didn’t mean the whole dildo collection.

And yes, at Sexy Grammar, we’ve got several free lessons on punctuation and dialogue and quotation marks. Check out these naughty posts on dialogue tags, direct objects, and predicate nominatives.

Yours,

The Sexy G

Frequently, a client or online fan shares a burning grammar question, and I always post answers here on the blog.  If you have a question, don’t hesitate to write to me. Looking for more attention? Get affordable, project-focused private sessions in person or via Skype or email.

2012
03/12
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Wordsmith: Dear Sexy G

Dear Sexy Grammarian-

I just learned from dictionary.com that wordsmith is a noun and not a verb.  Is that right?  I always thought it was both, like e-mail.

Yours truly,

Esther

My Darling Esther,

I too think of wordsmith as a noun, a words expert. But sure, it’s acceptable (if modern) to turn it into a verb:

I’ve written a love letter, but I want to wordsmith it to make it sexier.

You could even make it an adjective by adding -like:

He wanted to seduce the librarian, so he used his most wordsmith-like vocabulary.

Yours,

The Sexy Grammarian

Frequently, a client or online fan shares a burning grammar question, and I always post answers here on the blog.  If you have a question, don’t hesitate to write to me. Looking for more attention? Get affordable, project-focused private lessons in person or via Skype or email.

2012
03/02
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Write it out or use numerals? Rules for Writers

Dear Miss Sexy Grammarian:

A writing question for you: is there an accepted convention (or a convention that you use) for writing out numbers versus using numerals? In my own writing, I think I tend to spell out numbers up to nineteen and use numerals for 20 and higher, but when I think about it, I don’t know if that is correct.

Thanks!

Elsie

Dear Elsie,

What a pleasure to hear from you! This is a great question, and your solution is a fine one. Each style guide has its own “cut-off” for when to stop spelling out a number and start using numerals, so choosing a personal cut-off and using it consistently is really the best thing to do.

Consistency is always key with rules like this. Since we’re all likely to publish in many venues, we must learn the rules of the house where we’re aiming to publish. For instance, the APA Manual, which governs a lot of academic and scientific writing, only spells out numbers one through ten and uses numerals after that.

On your blog, I encourage you to develop and keep track of your own style guide. Some bloggers want to make sure they always post an image. Some bloggers want to be brief. Others value more romantic and flowery prose. These are all style considerations. As for numbers, if writing for Twitter, you might never spell out a number for space-saving purposes, but for the traditional publishing industry, you probably want to follow Chicago Manual style.

I do like Chicago Manual (CMS) as a default style guide. Here are their rules for numbers, which I generally use:

Spell out numbers one through one-hundred.

Hyphenate numbers such as twenty-one and ninety-nine.

Also spell out the above numbers when followed by hundred, thousand, million, etc, as in three million people.

If a number can be expressed in terms of hundreds instead of numerals, do so, as in, Write me fifteen hundred words about style guides.

If spelled-out numbers must cluster together in a sentence, make an exception, as in, I liked six of the dancers: numbers 4, 12, 18, and 36.

Use the same rules for ordinal numbers, as in, She is first place; he is 132nd place.

Fondly,

Kristy

The Sexy G

Frequently, a client or online fan sends me a grammar question, and I always post answers here on the blog.  If you have a question, don’t hesitate to write to me. Looking for more attention? Get affordable, project-focused coaching in person or via Skype or email.

2011
07/20
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Eradicating Passive Voice

Dear Sexy Grammarian,

Three men robbed the biggest jewelry store.

The biggest jewelry store was robbed by three men.

I had a great question from one of my students when we were talking about passive and active voice today. She asked, if the biggest jewelery store was robbed by three people and I wanted to put the emphasis on the jewelry store because it’s so big, how do I put the jewelry store first without it being passive? I didn’t know what to say.  Just wanted to pick your brain whenever you get a chance.  Thanks so much 🙂

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Wanting to emphasize the object of an action is the very best reason to use passive voice. So this is a good example of acceptable use of passive voice. Still, there’s a way to get rid of the passive and keep the emphasis on the jewelry store if that’s what you want.

What you need is a new verb. The jewelry store was robbed, yes, but that’s its passive action. What is its active action? It lost, forfeited, and sacrificed, didn’t it? So, I would add something like this to your set of examples:

Three men robbed the biggest jewelry store.

The biggest jewelry store was robbed by three men.

The biggest jewelry store lost its inventory to three robbers.

Fondly,

Kristy

The Sexy G

Frequently, a client or online fan sends me a grammar question, and I always post answers here on the blog.  If you have a question, don’t hesitate to write to me. Looking for more attention? Get affordable, project-focused coaching in person or via Skype or email.

2011
07/18
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Good Grammar in Takedown Scenes

Pardon me, for this blog post contains sexually explicit examples or content. If you are under the age of 18 or just uncomfortable with sexually explicit material, you may want to check out one of these sites about grammar and writing instead.

Dear Sexy Grammarian:

I know I’d offered to write a guest column on this topic, but I’m
noticing you recently entertained a reader question and thought I’d
submit this instead.  Hope it’s not too racy for your blog. Continue reading →

2010
08/27
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Deep Penetration: Conversation and Dialogue with Joe Weston

Kristy: Hi Joe, thanks so much for doing this interview.

Joe: I’m ready to be penetrated.

Kristy: Ha! We try for deep penetration here on the Sexy Grammarian blog! So tell us a little bit about the many ways that you are a communication expert.

Joe: I am originally from New York and lived for seventeen years in Amsterdam. Now I’m in California. My background is in classical acting with a focus on communication skills. You could say that all the work I’ve done has something to do with communication.

Kristy: So you’ve been on stage in New York and Amsterdam? You can act and communicate in multiple languages!And you are the creator of a communications system, Respectful Confrontation, and you teach its principles and practice in workshops, right?

Joe: Yes, I developed this system and teach workshops, give lectures. I’m also finishing my book on the subject.

Kristy: What is Respectful Confrontation?

Joe: It is system, a practice that helps one develop a more empowered way of being with oneself and engaging with others. We all have different languages, different cultures, religions, and beliefs. The bottom line is that we can all find a common way to communicate. I found that if I wanted my work to be successful, I had to find a way to engage others from a deeper place and not just rely on words. This got me to explore and develop the foundations of Respectful Confrontation. It helps to cut through a lot of the false ideas and fears about power, being assertive, and dealing with difficult issues in a way that is openhearted and results in respect and collaboration.

Kristy: You have some workshop events coming up. Readers can find out more and sign up for Respectful Confrontation workshops here. I strongly recommend these workshops, and I’ve had the privilege of getting one-on-one coaching from you, where I got to learn about this practice and how it can improve my own communication.

Joe: Yeah, it is a fun and dynamic way to learn more about yourself, about communication, and how to empower your relationships and life purpose in a compassionate way.In order to be an effective communicator, to use communication to have a positive impact in the world, it is important to understand the ins and outs and intricacies of communication.

Kristy: It definitely was fun and challenging for me. In one session, you used a iceberg metaphor to explain a dynamic in conversation. Can you explain this metaphor to me again?

Joe: If the words we used were enough to communicate successfully, the world would be a better place, right? We would engage like computers, very efficient, task oriented, but human beings aren’t built that way.

Kristy: We are much deeper and more complex

Joe: Right. Thankfully! We may state a very clear message, like, “Can you make me a cup of tea?” But somehow the other has a reaction that doesn’t seem congruous to the request. What is that? If the problem doesn’t lie in the words, then where?

Kristy: The question, “Can you make me a cup of tea?” is just words—it’s the top part of the iceberg, the part we can see.

Joe: As you know, when you see an iceberg, you only see the top most superficial 10% of that iceberg above the surface of the water. The other 90% under the surface is the part you should be alert and concerned about! This is the same with human communication.

 

Kristy: So you ask me for a cup of tea, and I respond in a way that seems incongruous—like maybe I throw a teacup at you

Joe: Throwing a teacup communicates a very clear message. It may get messy, but that throwing of the teacup may be the very thing we have been waiting for to open up an important conversation about our relationship! That is Respectful Confrontation,

Kristy: So what’s the 90% of what’s going on?

Joe: The 90% is all the unseen parts of the communication, the submerged. And that includes all the factors and circumstances that make up each of the individuals involved. So with every communication you have, your words are the most superficial 10%, and with the words there’s a whole landscape of things that also influence that interaction. Let’s go down from close to the surface to deeper. Now we can get into some deep penetration.

Kristy: I told you there would be deep penetration.

Joe: Fun! It starts with body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, physical environment, and physical state of being. For instance, if someone is hungry, that might make her edgy and definitely influence how she interacts.

Kristy: These are all parts of a dialogue that, in theater, the actors get to play with—and the set designers and the costume people.

Joe: Yeah, this is what is so intriguing about playwrighting! As a playwright, I have to see the whole picture in my head, but I can only communicate the whole picture with the dialogue. I have to get all of it through the words, with imagery, musicality of language, and mood.

Kristy: And in any kind of writing, if we’re writing dialogue, the words we write are only 10% of what’s going on. There are the faces our characters might make, the clothes they are wearing, and the back story we’ve created for those characters. All of that is present, submerged under the dialogue.

Joe: In theater, it is the actor’s job to take this “coded” dialogue and decipher 100% of the experience.

Kristy: The prose writer might be able to uncover some of the other 90% in narration, but we still have to trust the reader to gather much of it.

Joe: The prose writer gets to explain some of the 90% in the text in a way that the playwright doesn’t, and yes, it is up to the writer to make sure the correct message gets communicated, as in Respectful Confrontation. I’ve always said that acting is the science of human behavior. The more a writer understands the depths of human behavior and interaction, what makes people tick, the richer the writing will be.

Kristy: Let’s go deeper with dialogue. What else, in your work with Respectful Confrontation, might be going on in the dialogue?

Joe: Well going deeper, what we always bring to every interaction is relationship, power dynamics, power status, past history, and mood. That’s the next layer of things that get in the way of clear communication or enliven and enrich our interactions.

Kristy: I think these deeper levels are the most interesting because they are harder to see in real life and perhaps harder for the writer or actor to communicate in narration or with gesture.

Joe: Yes, and that’s why we need writers and artists. To illuminate our human condition! To bring to light what is hidden. To teach, celebrate, and inform.

Kristy: So to create dialogue that’s true to life, the writer needs to consider things like the relationship between the speakers and power dynamics.

Joe: Of course! They are influencing the interaction. To create believable characters and relationships you have to go into the specifics, otherwise they won’t seem credible or they’ll be too general. What makes each character and each relationship unique? This should be an important question for a writer, right?

Kristy: And it keeps going deeper?

Joe: Yes: emotions, feelings, personal philosophy, beliefs, prejudices, judgments, culture, race, customs, religion, education, and love. And the deepest: fear, wounds, needs, desire, longing, traumas, and insecurities. I think the link is what I just said about writing. Respectful Confrontation is a way to empower the self and the other and glorify the richness of human experience. When we can understand that we are, each one of us, unique, and that we all require the time to connect with, the world will be better.

It’s Dialogue Month on The Sexy Grammarian’s Blog! This week’s posts include dialogues between the The Sexy Grammarian and my dad, my coach, and an almost-self-described grammar bottom. Subscribe now to follow the conversation.

In addition to being my communication coach, Joe Weston is the founder of Heartwalker Studio, the creator of Respectful Confrontation, and a columnist for RealJock.com. You can still sign up last-minute for his Respectful Confrontation Workshop this weekend, August 29, in Oakland or plan ahead now for the weekend workshop, October 1-3.

2010
08/25
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Dialogue with Dad: Predicate Nominatives

Kristy: Hi, Dad. Thanks for agreeing to this interview. I’m looking forward to you teaching me the difference between a predicate nominative and a direct object, since I’m still a little fuzzy on it. And thanks again for your gentle but firm correction to my previous post, where I identified the word tired as a direct object in the sentence, She was tired. Can you explain the role of a predicate nominative in a sentence?

Dennis: Hi, Kristy. In a previous conversation about this, we did move on to the predicate nominative, but in the sentence in the original blog post, tired is actually a predicate adjective. Do you want to talk about that or the predicate nominative? They are closely related, but one is an adjective while the other is a noun.

Kristy: (laughs) See? It’s wacky and entertaining already! Please, let’s walk me through it from the beginning.

Dennis: Not too many people think grammar is wacky and entertaining—sexy, maybe. Let’s see how far some basic definitions will go to clear up the difference between a predicate adjective and a direct object.

First, we have to establish two different types of verbs: the linking verb and the transitive verb.

A linking verb, such as a form of to be or seem or appear, identifies the predicate with the subject: I am, you are, he appears, we are, they seem.

The transitive verb expresses action and may take a direct object, while the intransitive verb (think linking verb) may not take a direct object.

Is this making sense so far?

Kristy: Yes, makes sense, but I have questions.

Is a linking verb a sort of sub-type of intransitive verb? Like other intransitive verbs, it does not require a direct object, but it does link to a word in the predicate that modifies the subject?

One thing that bothers me here: can seem really be an intransitive verb?—even a special kind of intransitive verb? You can’t just seem, can you? You have to seem something.

Dennis: No, not a sub-type, though they have similarities.  Like an intransitive verb, a linking verb does not take a direct object but rather implies a condition or a state of being, while an intransitive verb expresses action. Let’s try some examples:

Linking verb: Kristy is the Sexy Grammarian. The linking verb, is, expresses a state of being.

Intransitive verb: Kristy travels frequently. The intransitive verb, travels, expresses action but takes no direct object, instead modifying the verb with an adverb.

Seem as a linking verb: A discussion about linking and intransitive verbs may seem confusing, but I think it’s sort of wacky and entertaining.

Does that help?

Kristy: Thanks for introducing some examples. That helps a lot. For the record, my dictionary does list seem as an intransitive verb. Isn’t it true that a dictionary will list either transitive or intransitive for every verb entry? Also, can’t an intransitive verb be more flexible than a transitive one? For example, the verb to see is an intransitive verb:

I see.

But it may take a direct object:

I see dead people.

And a transitive verb always requires a direct object?

Your example, Kristy is the Sexy Grammarian, has a linking verb and then a noun, the Sexy Grammarian. So, is the Sexy Grammarian, although a noun, still not a direct object because we have a linking verb rather than a transitive verb?

Surely the Sexy Grammarian does not become an adjective because of its relationship with the linking verb.

Dennis: You’re right about each verb being designated as transitive or intransitive, although some verbs can be both, such as the verb, see, as used in your examples. See in your first example is intransitive, but in your second sample: I see dead people, see becomes a transitive verb. See the difference?

In the example, Kristy is the Sexy Grammarian, the Sexy Grammarian following the linking verb is a predicate nominative, which, by definition, is the noun that follows a linking verb and stands for the subject.

We can relate this to the DSS’s original example: What she mostly was was tired. I don’t care much for that sentence, so let’s rewrite it to read: Mostly, she was tired. We can disregard the mostly for purposes of this discussion and focus on the simple sentence, She was tired. This is analogous to Kristy is the Sexy Grammarian; however, with She was tired, we have a predicate adjective—tired—instead of the predicate nominative—the Sexy Grammarian.

As a side note, the verb, to be, is not only noted as an intransitive verb, but it has an additional role as an auxiliary verb.

Kristy: Wow, I think I get it now! All this time, I’ve been treating predicate adjectives and especially nominatives like direct objects. Thanks, Dad. I knew you could explain it to me.

Dennis: My pleasure, Kristy.

It’s Dialogue Month on The Sexy Grammarian’s Blog! This week’s posts include dialogues between the The Sexy Grammarian and my dad, my coach, and an almost-self-described grammar bottom. Subscribe now to follow the conversation.

Besides being my Dad, Dennis Billuni is a retired U.S. postal carrier, a Senior Editor for A-1 Editing, and the man who taught me how to line edit.

2010
08/23
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These ones almost snuck by: high school friends, verb tenses, submissive butches, and demonstrative pronouns

Pardon me, for this blog post contains sexually explicit examples or content. If you are under the age of 18 or just uncomfortable with sexually explicit material, you may want to check out one of these sites about grammar and writing instead.

Last month, a new idea struck my blog via Facebook like lightning from heaven–why not answer grammar questions from readers in a sort of salute to Dear Abby? Answering just a couple of questions on my blog stirred up a flurry of comments and questions. I could barely keep up.

But I love this idea because of the way it encourages dialogue. And I truly believe that dialogue is the whole point of this ever-expanding blog-o-sphere.

Two grammar questions, both from old high school friends, almost slipped through the cracks, so in the interest of cultivating dialogue during dialogue month, I address them today. Continue reading →

2010
08/05
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